Just Take It Easy, That's the Rule Fool!

This whole semester has been a harrowing ordeal! I have had to deal with incompetence at the residence, Homesickness, the stress of writing papers of multiple pages all at once. I have not, however, had to deal with drama since adopting this "mind-my-own" mentality, and I thank God daily for giving me the knowledge to know that this was the way to go. but anyway, the homestretch is in sight! I am gonna study hard for these finals and pray for these grades to be acceptable(because at this point, I'm to tired of it to care!!). I am looking forward to Wednesday, April 30, 2008 b/c its the last day of classes...if i was the go out and get stumblin' drunk...that would definitely be the day to do it! lol...anyway...I just finished this wretched Advanced Composition paper...it was the most god-awful paper I have written since that even more awful History of the African American Church Research paper. Now I have to work on getting the WTS registered on campus...because thanks to our useless president...we missed the deadline!! I really hope that I have help when I run the org next year. We will most definitely do things...and I hope someone else steps up to lead the group(but I'd do it again if no one does)!! but anyway...almost home!! I finally found the song from the Doubletree Hotels commercial...it's "relax Max" by Dinah Washington, and i have been trying to take the advice!!!

Relax, Max
Your nerves are just like jumpin' jacks, Max
Your heart is thumpin' with a crazy sound
Hear it pound
Bumpin', bumpin', bumpin'
Jumpin' up and down

Stay cool, fool
Just take it easy
That's the rule, fool
The evenin' hasn't even started yet
So, my pet
Control yourself, control yourself
Don't get upset

Don't think I'm cold if I say you're too bold
I've been fooled by that moon up above
I want your kiss just as you want my kiss
But a kiss is no kiss without love

So relax, Max
I hate to stop you in your tracks, Max
But first you gotta prove your love to me
When you do
I'll love you, love you, love you
Like you want me to

Don't think I'm cold if I say you're too bold
I've been fooled by that moon up above
I want your kiss just as you want my kiss
But a kiss is no kiss without love

So relax, Max
I hate to stop you in your tracks, Max
But first you gotta prove your love to me
When you do
I'll love you, love you, love you
Like you want me to

Ah, come on, relax, Max
Your nerves are kinda bad there, boy
Hold it
Down, boy
Take it easy, fool
Relax yourself
The evening's young yet
Mmm, come on and relax, Max
Relax yourself

-Dinah Washington

The Last Full week as a Sophomore...its ending so fast!!

I am watching Divine Design on HGTV...on a Friday night(pathetic, I know) currently listening to "Feel Good Inc." by the Gorillaz, a song I fell in love with in High School!!! I can't believe how long I have been out of High school!! I sometimes look at my yearbooks and laugh about the craziness that was my journey through LCPA! I remember the first time I walked into the JROTC room, my cousin Josh had just talked ot me about joining JROTC. I was of course drawn to it by the opportunity to win medals and the shoulder cords(we all know I'm a sucker for pomp and circumstance!). I also remember the first time I skipped school:senior year, was hungry and grabbed two friends and we decided to go to Chili's! We had a blast (except for the fact that my car was dying, I had to press the gas and the brake at the same time to keep it form shutting off at a light!!)! I also remember all of those dances: JROTC Ball (went four times, and each year hoped that my name would be listed on the program[Senior year it was :)]), JR YR Prom, and of course Senior Prom!! I really learned to enjoy myself at those balls, they really gave me a chance to be a different version of myself: a more outgoing, personable Bobby_2010, and secretly I loved every minute of it. I am trying to make that version of Bobby_2010 the permanent version! I have actually worked on becoming more outgoing, b/c I am a great person and I have no reason to have this aversion to people. I am trying to allow myself to be more open to people, I have realized that the mask I created to keep from being hurt by kids that wanted to tease me for being the fat kid has ceased being a mask and has become my true public face. I realized that there are people that will hurt me, but there are so many more people that would help me and support me. I have also learned that to be hurt is to be human, and human is all that I need to be! As Girl with the open mind would say, if God be for me WHO can be against me?? I'm learning to let go and let God!

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

--Paul Laurence Dunbar

The Great Unknown...or is it...

Yesterday was a day! My adviser didn't come to class, so I worked on perfecting my presentation for Race and Law...I received an "A" so I was pretty happy about that. After that I surfed Facebook for the rest of the day, I looked up for a little bit During Advanced Comp. to realize I have classes wiht some really silly people, this photographer took tons of pictures of her kids, and one shows her older daughter with brown lines all over her, and she doesn't have a shirt on(the girl is about four) and some idiot in the class yelled out, "OMG! Who took a picture of a little girl that just got molested by her daddy?" Can you beilieve that?? the title of the exhibition is Immediate Family, what mother would take pictures of her daughter and the father that molested her?? Sometimes I feel like I'm in the cradle of idiocy!!

But the day got better, I didn't have any stress after classes! I love White Castle, but being that I'm in GA...there aren't any, but there is KRYSTAL(a not so good cousin of White Castle) and Marrell was willing to take me to get a few sliders! They hit the spot! After that, Flyy on the wall, the Artist and Uppity Negro came over and we had a sort of study party. During the study party I finally registered for classes....on Fridays I only have class at 11 AM!!!! I'm so happy!! and I have pretty nice breaks between my Classes!!! Of course, Chaos-n-Motion has been wanting to take classes with us, so Uppity Negro called him and told hiim about our Econ and Religion classes, both of which are MW classes in the evening. Chaos-n-Motion tried to get us to change the classes to morning because he doesn't do evening classes...I personally wasn't havin it! Then he asked to speak to me, and said, "so, you are taking evening classes...what about organizational meetings??" Who cares...I'm not about to mess up a great schedule to cater to some organization! and the one that I'm the leader of will have meetings when I don't have classes!!

After the friends left, I went to my room and tried to sleep. Needless to say, sleep didn't come easy. I got up and put on some shoes and went outside into the cool night and tried to see the stars. A passerby asked me what I was looking for...I couldn't really articulate it...but I think my eyes were watching God...there was something there in the darkness that kept my attention and I couldn't really(didn't really want to) tear myself away right away.



"They seemed to be staring at the dark, but their eyes were watching God"- Zora Neale Hurston

Reflections...

Hello WORLD!!! Today I talked with Momma, I love talking to that Crazy lady!! We of course talked about politics, my fav topic!! Anyway we were just talking about abortion and I realized that of all the people I know, Momma has the political ideals that are the most in line with my own. I think the only thing we disagree on is gay marriage, but that's because I'm an ultra liberal and she is just liberal. We have talked about legalizing prostitution, marijuana, and the use of school vouchers. I say legalize them both and regulate them, I really think that we need to allow things to come into the light to keep people healthy. I disagree completely with school vouchers because they take money away from public schools(read cash-strapped, struggling) and giving it to families to subsidized private schooling(both parochial and secular). I just don't understand the logic behind this: take money from the poor schools and give it to parents to put their children into private schools for better education, instead of improving the schools tax payers pay for?? also, what about families that still wouldn't be able to afford tuition if it was subsidized?? So, they have to pay for someone else's child to go to a school they can't take advantage of?? STUPID!!!

But I digress....

I'm ready for it!!!

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The Road to Manhood...the Road to becoming Me..

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost


As a child, I heard this poem so many times and never once grew tired of it. I never remembered the author, or even the words, but something about it spoke to me. Maybe it's because I was able to see that this poem was speaking about my future. You see, I was raised by a wonderful Grandmother(Gram), who always taught me to be proud to be Black, she never allowed me to speak of Black people in tones that did not do us justice(Black people were always we, or us--never "them, or they"). She helped me to see the beauty that comes from being Black, she helped me to see the greatness that can be achieved, even when no one outside your home wants, or expects, you to make anything of yourself! And for this I am Grateful!! I thank God for my Family: Gram, Momma, Daddy, Ry-fat, Chella, Uncle, Aunt Leona, Teeta-bom, Ketia, and LeLe...now this is not to diminish the importance of the rest of my family...but these are the people that I have had almost daily contact with throughout my life. I will speak about other members of my family as we progress. BUT these are the people that I think about on a daily basis...and long to see when I am away for too long! These are the people that influenced me to take the road not taken...the road less traveled by...