Think I'm gonna start an online thinktank...I'll need contributors. I wanna do it on here, so after I figure out what I need to do exactly to create one..I'll be back..for now, I have to go to bed..I'm so exhausted!!



whatever...I'm out 'til later

BrighterDay, Indeed...

So I was looking at my financial info the Mommy called and told me, I was distraught because we still owed 2500 dollars. I was trying to figure out how to pay that. But Good news...i don't have to!! I was adding all the info up, and forgot to add in my external scholarship...not only do I not have to pay anything else, i get refund baby!!! I'm not sure how much the refund will be, but it will be something!! Why is all right with the world all of a sudden?? IDK, and I don't care why...because at this point the Lawd has brought me a BRIGHTER DAY! I just had to share that tidbit!! Have a great day, I will!

So why do we love them??

You know the old saying, "no on can hurt you like the one you love?" I know that is true as of tonight. Let me explain why I'm back up at 2:00 in the morning, even though I went to bed at around 11(I'll explain that later!)

So I'm sleeping soundly, all of a sudden my cell phone rings(Lupe Fiasco's Superstar comes blaring into the room) I jump up b/c I'm thinking its this girl calling because she let me use her Keycard and she needs to get in. But no, it is my lil' sis, and as soon as i answer the phone I'm immediately mad, she is sobbing into the phone about needing to talk to me. I'm so scared that someone in the family has died...I sit up immediately and ask what's going on, she goes on to tell me a story about drunk adults yelling at her and she packing her bags as if to move. She has argued with my uncle's girlfriend and Uncle has told her whatever said girlfriend wants, she gets...and she wants my sis gone...so my sis has to decide if she wants to indure verbal abuse at the hands of someone she isn't related to and someone she loves with all her heart(this being the Uncle)...so she wants me to help her make the decision since they won't give her the night to sleep on it. I immediately say go back home, and she says that they have told her that my grandmother id gonna force her to get a job and buy all of her own essentials(this is a lie, Gram doesn't want her working on anything but getting into her dream college), and that she will be in trouble for leaving on bad terms(again a lie), so i tell her fuck what they said, how does she feel about it right now? and she just starts crying even harder as she explains that she doesn't understand why Uncle hates her all of a sudden, and she goes on to tell me that when they were in Seattle a week or two ago, she was treated like some random tag-along...I immediately hate everyone in that house! And if I could conjure daggers from afar...I'm nto sure anyone but lil sis would still be standing!! so I ask her how she feels about living with Gram and Momma, she said she feels that they would never do anything to her to have her up at all hours of the night calling her brother to cry...and we decide that she has grown patient enough to deal with a woman as particular as Gram, and she decides that she is going home. This really infuriated me...why would two adults double team a teenager who already has tons of pressure on her?? I mean this is a girl who goes to a school where there aren't even complte classroom sets of books, and she takes notes to create her own homework to better herself, she will do anything anyone asks her to do, and she is also one of the most grateful people I know!!! I don't understand it!! I'll be calling tomorrow to make sure she's moved...and at this point FUCK these muthafuckas...they ain't about shit anyway...and I'm glad she's moving back in with Gram!!

Y'all pray for me...at this point I really wish my lil sis could go...

pray for my family if you are the praying type...if not do what ever you do...wish us luck...we need all the help we can get!!

Independence Day(reflections)

I am up discussing the sad state of affairs today in these United States with Luncheon Loaf-
-The murder of a suspected cop-killer, what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
-Folks not being able to afford to actually live in this country unless one is independently wealthy
-The government's screwed up formula for calculatiing the unemployment rate
-My people, my people...I won't even go there today...that is for another, less reflective, more ranting time
-This presidential race...I have realized that Obama being elected POTUS, while great publicity for WA, and even a hope bringer for MA, also makes the job of opening the eyes of the country to the continued, and ever more institutionalized racism will be harder to point out and remedy...and this is not helped by "black Republicans(WHAT are these people anyway?? are they humans in the truest sense??)"
-look how far these Olympic Stars have fallen...it's pretty sad...what the hell??
-Folks being freed after being found innocent after DECADES in prison for crimes they didn't commit(what happened??)


so in spite o fall the negativity...

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

--Langston Hughes

and don't this just piss you off...

This is so real...I am so sick of it...watch the video and let me know how you feel about it..lunch break post...gotta love it



I think I'm gonna do that one day...should I??

You right, he don't...

Today was a great day...after all of the bullshit (MC called me and told me I had lost my scholarship...Yeah, fuckin' RIGHT!!) I got it taken care of though. I proceeded to tell them that they had my GPA listed wrong. They said, oh, sorry wrong person. I can't understand this stuff...why don't we already know this stuff? I mean what kind of crap is this? The deadline to sign up for a payment plan was June 1st, but they are just now working on the financial aid notifications for returning students...I love my school...but I swear there are some incompetent and incapable people running shit there!

I am so glad we only have four-day week this week..I need to rest! I just need to sleep in until like one...and for some reason, I can only do that on weekdays...IDK, I'm weird!!

So, last night I had chicken and waffles, that is for you Girl with the Open Mind! I love this waffle iron...it is AMAZING!! And I have revamped the blogroll...I had to get new reading material..some that actually fit with mine...and peaked my interest. And to Lucky-in-Life: I think I'm addicted now! I think about it all day...and i can't wait to start my Blogroll...lol...

I gave a tour today, it was pretty cool..I liked half the group and I had a great convo with the mom, she's an elementary school teacher from Lee's Summit. We talked about the state of the KCMSD...a sore spot in my life: my lil' sis is still going to school in that wretched excuse for a school district. I won't go there right now, but her passion made me think of one of my BFFs, she's gonna be an Elementary teacher...I'm so proud of her!! I am secretly harboring my own desires to study education policy(SSSHHHH!!! its a secret) I know, my friends and family would tell me to shut up b/c I don't know what I wanna do...but I do know...I just wanna do everything...btu hey, it'll be one hell of a Journey!

So, today BossLady gave me back the bill we drafted for CIA, she was very helpful...now don't get me wrong, she pointed out the flaws...but...she did something we all should think of doing when we point out flaws, she offered solutions and ways to improve the bill. I am pleased with the bill, and I understand the changes she suggested, so we'll revamp it, and we'll rework what needs to be reworked..and it will be indestructible(but not really, we still have a mark-up to go through).

Talked to Feminist Theory yesterday; I was glad to hear her voice. I worry about her sometimes, but then again, I worry about everyone. I am just a ball of paradoxes(is this the right word?): I am ready to go home, bu then again I am so enjoying DC; I am ready for school to start, but I am not looking forward to classes starting; I miss my friends at home and from school, but I know that I will be tired of everyone really fast...I love my job, but i get so spacey(??)...anyway...i'll be back later..onto the blogroll...

BUT FIRST: What do you think of the following quote?
"If we accept and acquiesce in the face of discrimination, we accept the responsibility ourselves and allow those responsible to salve their conscience by believing that they have our acceptance and concurrence. We should, therefore, protest openly everything . . . that smacks of discrimination or slander."
-- Mary McCleod Bethune (1944)


I makes me wanna go out and become a militant, but then again...Big Brother already wiretaps...what would stop them from just silencing me...yes...I said it...I don't trust the government...and I think Kanye was RIGHT...I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about it...Kanye was right!

The Heart of the Matter

Well, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately...you know trying to figure out what I can do to make sure things are going right in my life. I have been trying to figure out how I'm gonna deal with all of the things I have piled on to my plate, I need to work on planning to use my time more wisely...free time is my worst enemy I've decided. I feel so scatter-brained at times, because so many things are going through my mind at once. I used to worry about everything, but i find this strange sense of detachment to everything, sort of like I'm some spectator in someone else's life. I try to make it matter, but I can't help feeling that none of it matters anymore. I mean, I'm not like depressed, I just keep getting bored...with everything. I mean I really like DC, my office, and the program overall, and yet, I feel this sense of complete, and utter boredom about the daily grind. This is the reason I can't keep an exercise routine, doing the same thing everyday..or even seeing the same place is so UN-inspiring...I just lose the desire to do it anymore. i need to join a group or something, being on a team worked for me in high school. Its something I'll look into.

I've also been thinking about my relationship status: I wonder sometimes, why are we doing this, yet again? but then I talk to her or think about her and my day gets brighter. I'm so lost...I want her, but I sometimes wonder why...is it because I truly love her? is it because she is familiar? I do believe that I truly love her...but could that just be me trying to justify how I've treated her? IDK...I'm trying not to stress about it...but it just got harder not to think about it...she got her official acceptance to Sister School yesterday...I'm excited, and yet...I wonder how things will be when she is finally in the same town as me all the time.

Anyway, I have to tell y'all about this odd dream I had the other night, I answer my phone and it is my mother, she tells me my father has cancer...and its the final stages. I start crying as I try to buy a plane ticket home, I finally get home...I'm guessing I've been crying this whole time, b/c I'm next in the house and it's just Helly-belly lying on the bed crying...so I go pick her up and find Ryphat and Rae-rae, they both look like they haven't stopped crying in several days, there aren't anymore tears left...just dry sobbing...and then my mother wheels my dad out into the room with us...and he just looks so pitiful...he has all kinds of like scars and bruises...and he just doesn't look like the giant I grew up looking up at...I just started crying again...but literally sobbing...and just as he speaks I guess I was starting to cry for real...because I made some sound that woke me up...I stayed up the rest of the day...and I could feel the tears well up as I wrote this...so at this point I gotta go....a brighter note later on...I'm gonna call my dad, and tell him that I was thinking about him...and that I love him...you should too!! :')



India.arie - The Heart Of The Matter lyrics

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
[ The Heart Of The Matter lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore